Why is it so hard to remember that God is always the same and loving me and protecting me from my enemy and mostly from myself but first i must seek Him and not rely on me.
Sunday, August 30, 2015
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
209
OK here we are with 209 again. I was bad yesterday. Not sure what happened but I couldn't get full and was just grazing all day. I did however go work out. Did my longest run ever. Tried to do the 4 10 minute runs in 85 degree heat and that was definitely sweat city!
So todays verse 1 chronicles 2:09
9 The sons born to Hezron were:
Jerahmeel, Ram and Caleb
Well this one is a weird one! LOL Trying to look at the chapter and get another nugget of information and the whole chapter isn't anything but naming children and families in the tribes of Israel.
Still makes me go back to thinking why I haven't had children yet. When will it be my turn? I am excited to read the book that Hannah gave me the other day but haven't started it yet. I think it will be a good read and hopefully help with the anxiety that I feel most days.
I don't like to think that I have anxiety but I know that I do. I over analyze to many things and can't seem to focus because I get overwhelmed or easily distracted. Not sure if that is anxiety or not but it is crazy sometimes the things that I will do in order to not do something that would be easier to do than the thing that I started to distract myself from the thing that I need to do.
Whew that was a mouthful! I am in such a haze right now that I can't even think!
I think I posted this the other day but still need encouraging. One of the things that the therapist said was that I need to say goodbye to the girl on the left. How do you say good bye to something that was such a large part of who you are now? That goes with people too not just saying good bye to yourself. I think I have said good bye to her but she is stubborn! I have given up most of the habits that I have had in the past. No longer do I eat 12" subways with a bag of chips and soda and a 1/2 pint of ben and jerry's for lunch. (my staple meal when I was in Bethel). Gone are the days of drinking all night and smoking like a freight train and just in general being miserably unhealthy.
Look at me now- I run, I eat right (most days) I drink water and stay hydrated. My skin is better. I feel better. I am able to do so much more than I ever thought I could. So why do I keep thinking backwards and eating things I know I am not supposed to? Why do I feel like I am on a slippery slope and having bad thoughts about things. Including myself. Why do I put myself in the I am not good enough category so many times??
Mostly because people have made me feel that way for most of my life. I wasn't a good enough daughter for Joe to stick around. I am not a good enough friend to have many now. I am not a good enough wife to where I can't conceive a child and keep thinking of greener grass (although I know that is not the case at all and that I have the best husband). I guess I am too human these days with lots of emotions and thoughts that I need to get into check!
Monday, June 15, 2015
Playing catch up
So the weekend was a good one and I was just so busy with yard sale preparation and cooking for the newest LaFalce baby that I just didn't take the time to keep up with my blog. This was a great weekend though. Saw the lowest number on the scale this far! But it was short lived. So here we go playing catch up!
Saturday 2 Samuel 2:09 - 9 He made him king over Gilead, Ashuri and Jezreel, and also over Ephraim, Benjamin and all Israel- So this is the verse where David becomes King. Not sure that I would ever want to be King! That seems so hard! I of course would try but I don't think I would be that great at it..LOL David was the most influential King next to Jesus in the Bible-although it looks like he only served 7 1/2 years.
Sunday- 1 Kings 2:08- 8 “And remember, you have with you Shimei son of Gera, the Benjamite from Bahurim, who called down bitter curses on me the day I went to Mahanaim. When he came down to meet me at the Jordan, I swore to him by the Lord: ‘I will not put you to death by the sword.’ So this was all said by David as he was dying to his son Solomon. I like the beginning part of this chapter and wish it had been my verse- When David’s time to die approached, he charged his son Solomon, saying, “I’m about to go the way of all the earth, but you—be strong; show what you’re made of! Do what God tells you. Walk in the paths he shows you: Follow the life-map absolutely, keep an eye out for the signposts, his course for life set out in the revelation to Moses; then you’ll get on well in whatever you do and wherever you go.
Monday - 2 Kings 2:09-
9 When they had crossed, Elijah said to Elisha, “Tell me, what can I do for you before I am taken from you?”
Elisha said, “Your life repeated in my life. I want to be a holy man just like you.”
10 “That’s a hard one!” said Elijah. “But if you’re watching when I’m taken from you, you’ll get what you’ve asked for. But only if you’re watching.”
11-14 And so it happened. They were walking along and talking. Suddenly a chariot and horses of fire came between them and Elijah went up in a whirlwind to heaven. Elisha saw it all and shouted, “My father, my father! You—the chariot and cavalry of Israel!” When he could no longer see anything, he grabbed his robe and ripped it to pieces. Then he picked up Elijah’s cloak that had fallen from him, returned to the shore of the Jordan, and stood there. He took Elijah’s cloak—all that was left of Elijah!—and hit the river with it, saying, “Now where is the God of Elijah? Where is he?”
When he struck the water, the river divided and Elisha walked through.So that is a pretty powerful verse. What would it have been like to see the chariot and all of the clouds and smoke as Elijah went up to heaven.
It isn't like that in real life. I was by my papaws bed when he passed and he just kind of went to sleep. Same with Joe. As I said yesterday that whole situation has been very bittersweet but I am glad I got the time that I did and met the family that I have out of that situation. Definitely a God moving story if I ever heard one!
Saturday 2 Samuel 2:09 - 9 He made him king over Gilead, Ashuri and Jezreel, and also over Ephraim, Benjamin and all Israel- So this is the verse where David becomes King. Not sure that I would ever want to be King! That seems so hard! I of course would try but I don't think I would be that great at it..LOL David was the most influential King next to Jesus in the Bible-although it looks like he only served 7 1/2 years.
Sunday- 1 Kings 2:08- 8 “And remember, you have with you Shimei son of Gera, the Benjamite from Bahurim, who called down bitter curses on me the day I went to Mahanaim. When he came down to meet me at the Jordan, I swore to him by the Lord: ‘I will not put you to death by the sword.’ So this was all said by David as he was dying to his son Solomon. I like the beginning part of this chapter and wish it had been my verse- When David’s time to die approached, he charged his son Solomon, saying, “I’m about to go the way of all the earth, but you—be strong; show what you’re made of! Do what God tells you. Walk in the paths he shows you: Follow the life-map absolutely, keep an eye out for the signposts, his course for life set out in the revelation to Moses; then you’ll get on well in whatever you do and wherever you go.
Monday - 2 Kings 2:09-
9 When they had crossed, Elijah said to Elisha, “Tell me, what can I do for you before I am taken from you?”
Elisha said, “Your life repeated in my life. I want to be a holy man just like you.”
10 “That’s a hard one!” said Elijah. “But if you’re watching when I’m taken from you, you’ll get what you’ve asked for. But only if you’re watching.”
11-14 And so it happened. They were walking along and talking. Suddenly a chariot and horses of fire came between them and Elijah went up in a whirlwind to heaven. Elisha saw it all and shouted, “My father, my father! You—the chariot and cavalry of Israel!” When he could no longer see anything, he grabbed his robe and ripped it to pieces. Then he picked up Elijah’s cloak that had fallen from him, returned to the shore of the Jordan, and stood there. He took Elijah’s cloak—all that was left of Elijah!—and hit the river with it, saying, “Now where is the God of Elijah? Where is he?”
When he struck the water, the river divided and Elisha walked through.So that is a pretty powerful verse. What would it have been like to see the chariot and all of the clouds and smoke as Elijah went up to heaven.
It isn't like that in real life. I was by my papaws bed when he passed and he just kind of went to sleep. Same with Joe. As I said yesterday that whole situation has been very bittersweet but I am glad I got the time that I did and met the family that I have out of that situation. Definitely a God moving story if I ever heard one!
Friday, June 12, 2015
Never to late!
So I guess I am later than normal in getting my bible study in this morning. Not really a study but my challenge. It is funny I was talking to hubs last night about my challenge and saying that I guess when I get to the horse goal I will have to start reading from chapter 19 of the different books. So fun and scary to think about !
1 Samuel 2:09
For the foundations of the earth are the Lord’s;
on them he has set the world.
9 He will guard the feet of his faithful servants,
but the wicked will be silenced in the place of darkness
I really liked the 2nd verse better- or the whole section of Hannah's prayer. I have looked online before with Hannah's Prayer and the website is a support page for people facing infertility issues. I really hate having these issues and really wish that I was able to get pregnant. Have been trying for so long. I know that I need to have patience and that God will provide but it gets hard waiting and waiting.
I don't believe that God has closed my womb. I believe that there is still a hope and that God will provide one day and bless me and hubs that we will be able to have children. I do think that I will be using part of my bonus to go see Dr. Holdman again. I really am not sure if I want to go that route because I am not sure how I feel about the whole IUI/IVF thing. I need to do more research that is for sure!
I just noticed the title of this blog as never to late- when I wrote that I didn't know what the verse was going to be or where the verse was going to take me. Kind of a double edged sword!
1 Samuel 2:09
For the foundations of the earth are the Lord’s;
on them he has set the world.
9 He will guard the feet of his faithful servants,
but the wicked will be silenced in the place of darkness
I really liked the 2nd verse better- or the whole section of Hannah's prayer. I have looked online before with Hannah's Prayer and the website is a support page for people facing infertility issues. I really hate having these issues and really wish that I was able to get pregnant. Have been trying for so long. I know that I need to have patience and that God will provide but it gets hard waiting and waiting.
I don't believe that God has closed my womb. I believe that there is still a hope and that God will provide one day and bless me and hubs that we will be able to have children. I do think that I will be using part of my bonus to go see Dr. Holdman again. I really am not sure if I want to go that route because I am not sure how I feel about the whole IUI/IVF thing. I need to do more research that is for sure!
I just noticed the title of this blog as never to late- when I wrote that I didn't know what the verse was going to be or where the verse was going to take me. Kind of a double edged sword!
Thursday, June 11, 2015
There is an 0!!
Ok so there was an 0 yesterday too but this time it is in a different location! Today was 209. Just barely but it was still there! So today we go to Ruth chpt 2 verse 9 (so stinkin' exciting!)
"Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the women. I have told the men not to lay a hand on you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled."
I have always wanted to study the book of Ruth. Seems like a sad story really. A woman (Naomi) is married has two sons who get married- her husband dies and then both of her sons die and so her one daughter in law comes back to live with her and take care of her.
20-21 But she said, “Don’t call me Naomi; call me Bitter. The Strong One has dealt me a bitter blow. I left here full of life, and God has brought me back with nothing but the clothes on my back. Why would you call me Naomi? God certainly doesn’t. The Strong One ruined me.”
Well that was an interesting story. It is a snapshot of how the lineage of David came to be which in turn is the lineage of Jesus. I am glad that Naomi later found favor with God and decided not to continue with the negativity that she had in chapter one but then later was happy in the following chapters and saw how God had favor on her family and she was redeemed and given a place to stay and grandchildren (sort of).
It is a great story to see how life turns out to the good even when you don't know what direction it may be going at the time. Kind of like my life right now with- not sure what this plan is that God has in store for me but I am sure He will work it out for His glory.
"Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the women. I have told the men not to lay a hand on you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled."
I have always wanted to study the book of Ruth. Seems like a sad story really. A woman (Naomi) is married has two sons who get married- her husband dies and then both of her sons die and so her one daughter in law comes back to live with her and take care of her.
20-21 But she said, “Don’t call me Naomi; call me Bitter. The Strong One has dealt me a bitter blow. I left here full of life, and God has brought me back with nothing but the clothes on my back. Why would you call me Naomi? God certainly doesn’t. The Strong One ruined me.”
Well that was an interesting story. It is a snapshot of how the lineage of David came to be which in turn is the lineage of Jesus. I am glad that Naomi later found favor with God and decided not to continue with the negativity that she had in chapter one but then later was happy in the following chapters and saw how God had favor on her family and she was redeemed and given a place to stay and grandchildren (sort of).
It is a great story to see how life turns out to the good even when you don't know what direction it may be going at the time. Kind of like my life right now with- not sure what this plan is that God has in store for me but I am sure He will work it out for His glory.
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
210!!!
So excited to be at a new number!
So today I go to :
Judges 2:10 New International Version (NIV)
10 After that whole generation had been gathered to their ancestors, another generation grew up who knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel.
That is pretty sad to think about that people would not keep their religion in the fore front of their lives. Maybe these means that the next generation wouldn't be able to see what the Lord had done in the lives of the people who had been part of the Exodus or the saving of Jericho or any of the wondrous things that God has done in their lives.
I can't even begin to count all of the wondrous things God has done in my life. I try to live my life to count my blessings. I know that God has a purpose for me and I have to be patient and wait through dry spells to see where He is taking me next. It has been interesting this week watching the journey that I am taking through the bible and being diligent with my exercise and weighing in. Even with my monthly visitor in tow I am trying so hard to break this barrier!!
The other side of this verse makes me think about when I do have kids- they won't know my grandparents. I was very blessed to have a great grandmother and all of my grandparents until just recently. With being able to learn from their wisdom and have their lives be reflected in my life and in my beliefs and how I am today is a direct result of their influence. I couldn't think of better people to have been a part of my life and I thank God that He made them my grandparents. I miss them and love them so much! It is funny as I loose weight I think that I look more like my granny bull. She was the greatest woman in the world. I love her so much and talk to her daily even though she has gone from this world and is resting in the arms of Jesus! (she would kill me if I ever put that out there) but I believe she is having Him over for coffee every morning. Putting out her little butterfly net so He knows she is awake and they are having coffee with papaw and just reading the paper. I miss those simple mornings with them.
Here we are. Wish I had a picture handy of them together. They were really the cutest things ever!!! Love them and miss them everyday! I hope that I can raise children as well as they did. Being selfless and taking care of everyone that they came in contact with. When you left their presence you knew that you were in touch with people who really love the Lord. I hope that I will pass on their knowledge to my children and their legacy will live on forever.
So today I go to :
Judges 2:10 New International Version (NIV)
10 After that whole generation had been gathered to their ancestors, another generation grew up who knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel.
That is pretty sad to think about that people would not keep their religion in the fore front of their lives. Maybe these means that the next generation wouldn't be able to see what the Lord had done in the lives of the people who had been part of the Exodus or the saving of Jericho or any of the wondrous things that God has done in their lives.
I can't even begin to count all of the wondrous things God has done in my life. I try to live my life to count my blessings. I know that God has a purpose for me and I have to be patient and wait through dry spells to see where He is taking me next. It has been interesting this week watching the journey that I am taking through the bible and being diligent with my exercise and weighing in. Even with my monthly visitor in tow I am trying so hard to break this barrier!!
The other side of this verse makes me think about when I do have kids- they won't know my grandparents. I was very blessed to have a great grandmother and all of my grandparents until just recently. With being able to learn from their wisdom and have their lives be reflected in my life and in my beliefs and how I am today is a direct result of their influence. I couldn't think of better people to have been a part of my life and I thank God that He made them my grandparents. I miss them and love them so much! It is funny as I loose weight I think that I look more like my granny bull. She was the greatest woman in the world. I love her so much and talk to her daily even though she has gone from this world and is resting in the arms of Jesus! (she would kill me if I ever put that out there) but I believe she is having Him over for coffee every morning. Putting out her little butterfly net so He knows she is awake and they are having coffee with papaw and just reading the paper. I miss those simple mornings with them.
Here we are. Wish I had a picture handy of them together. They were really the cutest things ever!!! Love them and miss them everyday! I hope that I can raise children as well as they did. Being selfless and taking care of everyone that they came in contact with. When you left their presence you knew that you were in touch with people who really love the Lord. I hope that I will pass on their knowledge to my children and their legacy will live on forever.
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
New Day
So today marked a new number in this battle 211!
So with that I will go back on track with a new number and go to
Joshua 2:11New International Version (NIV)
11 When we heard of it, our hearts melted in fear and everyone’s courage failed because of you, for the Lord your God is God in heaven above and on the earth below.
So this is in the story of Rahab- I love this story- another great example of how God uses us where we are. Rahab was a prostitute and was used by God to break down the walls of Jericho. I always felt that this is one of the divine intervention right place right time stories. How the lines of our life fall into place for the purpose of Gods use to shine His light all around.
People come and go in our lives. Some are here for a while and some are here for a lifetime. I have never been the type of person to have many friends. I have lots of acquaintances but when it comes to people that I trust 100% with everything that I have and everything that I am the number drops to about 4. Is this normal?? Is it natural to only trust so few people. Goes to show a testament to my history of how I have been hurt so much in the past. I wouldn't trade my hurt for anything however, I would live it all again if it meant that I got to be where I am now.
I may have days that I can't seem to get it together and just want to take to my bed but in the end it will be one of those four people that help pull me from my rut and make it all better for me to see that it isn't all bad. Ok maybe six people. But still that number is small compared to the number of people that I know.
So I am needing a little inspiration this morning and made a new side by side so here it is.
So with that I will go back on track with a new number and go to
Joshua 2:11New International Version (NIV)
11 When we heard of it, our hearts melted in fear and everyone’s courage failed because of you, for the Lord your God is God in heaven above and on the earth below.
So this is in the story of Rahab- I love this story- another great example of how God uses us where we are. Rahab was a prostitute and was used by God to break down the walls of Jericho. I always felt that this is one of the divine intervention right place right time stories. How the lines of our life fall into place for the purpose of Gods use to shine His light all around.
People come and go in our lives. Some are here for a while and some are here for a lifetime. I have never been the type of person to have many friends. I have lots of acquaintances but when it comes to people that I trust 100% with everything that I have and everything that I am the number drops to about 4. Is this normal?? Is it natural to only trust so few people. Goes to show a testament to my history of how I have been hurt so much in the past. I wouldn't trade my hurt for anything however, I would live it all again if it meant that I got to be where I am now.
I may have days that I can't seem to get it together and just want to take to my bed but in the end it will be one of those four people that help pull me from my rut and make it all better for me to see that it isn't all bad. Ok maybe six people. But still that number is small compared to the number of people that I know.
So I am needing a little inspiration this morning and made a new side by side so here it is.
It is amazing to see how far I have come and how I don't even recognize that person on the left. Just like the other day at Goodwill when I saw my cousin- she didn't know who I was either. Still wrapping my head around it all. Hoping that one day my brain will catch up!
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