1975

Hello 1975! Still cute! Love this picture with my Granny. God knows I miss her everyday! She was my cheerleader with everything that I ever did! She passed away as I was getting ready for my surgery. I was 6 days into my liquid diet for pre-op and she went to be with Papaw. A day that she had been looking forward to forever. I will never forget the day she went to heaven. She had been having a rough day before and had that darn UTI come back. Had gone there the day before after work like I had always done. Even went back the night before because they said her breathing had changed. As I was leaving I leaned down and kissed her head as I waited until she was asleep to leave. Next morning got up to go to work. As I was driving to work a song came on the radio. Haven't heard the song since but I remember belting out the words of "Dear Lord Jesus Come today"- It was right around 7am, when I got to work Mom called to say that she had just crossed over. So glad that Jesus heard my awful singing! Her body was so weak and tired and I know she wanted to be with Papaw so badly! I sometimes wish she was here to tell me how good I am doing and how I shouldn't give up. I know she is looking down on me and I miss her so!
I hope that she is holding my baby up there that I want so desperately! One of these days! Only God knows when and I leave it up to Him every month! Although I did just lie to the Asheville Gastro guy!

Dear Younger Me....

Dear younger me
Where do I start
If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far
Then you could be
One step ahead
Of all the painful memories still running thru my head
I wonder how much different things would be
Dear younger me,

Dear younger me
I cannot decide
Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life
Or do I go deep
And try to change
The choices that you’ll make cuz they’re choices that made me
Even though I love this crazy life
Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride
Dear younger me, dear younger me

If I knew then what I know now
Condemnation would’ve had no power
My joy my pain would’ve never been my worth
If I knew then what I know now
Would’ve not been hard to figure out
What I would’ve changed if I had heard

Dear younger me
It’s not your fault
You were never meant to carry this beyond the cross
Dear younger me

You are holy
You are righteous
You are one of the redeemed
Set apart a brand new heart
You are free indeed

Every mountain every valley
Thru each heartache you will see
Every moment brings you closer
To who you were meant to be
Dear younger me, dear younger me

You are holy
You are righteous
You are one of the redeemed
Set apart a brand new heart
You are free indeed

You are holy
You are righteous
You are one of the redeemed
Set apart a brand new heart
You are free indeed

You are holy
You are righteous
You are one of the redeemed
Set apart a brand new heart
You are free indeed

So, after hearing this song the other day-again- I decided that I wanted to do a blog where I talk to the younger me. So this is me in 1974....

According to my mom I am about 3 months in this picture.

So Dear Baby me,  At this point I am imagining a life that is pretty tumultuous. Will need to get out the baby book to see what was written but I can imagine that at this point in my life there is hopefully lots of love. I already know that Joe and Mom aren't going to be together much longer after this picture was taken. How do you leave a baby?? How do you just go away and pretend that I don't exist? From what I understand there were times when he was told that he could see me and chose not to. I just don't understand. But dear younger me, you are a beautiful baby! I really want to know why someone would leave you or not want you. But then again, this picture Joe literally carried around for 41 years. It is creased where he kept it- this is how people found out about me. But was he proud of me I don't know. Did he love me? I don't know. And now I will never know.